Friday, January 25, 2008
Ok, so seriously
Everyone, be perfectly honest, did you like the end to Trepidation? Did you like Trepidation as a whole? (By the way, if you haven't read the last part, scroll down and read it) I don't know if it wrapped everything up. I kinda feel like I went above and beyond my abilities as a writer and I really challenged myself throughout the whole thing until the last part. It was good, but it was a little, "and then he saved the day"-ish. I don't know, I guess I'm my biggest critic but I want everyone to be totally, even brutally honest. I'm going to start getting it ready to send in to this competition, so any questions or suggestions that you have will/would be greatly appreciated.
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7 comments:
I thought it was awesome. The conversation was natural (well as natural as it could be with a brain washed person, the description fantastic, and I like how Rick gets a police escort. :)I loved it all, but was still a little confused at the end. "You were the one" kind of left it a little bit hanging. Or maybe I'm just having a major blonde day and it's totally obvious. And why was Rick so special? I know you based Rick on yourself, so don't take this the wrong way, I'm just wondering about the reason Rick was different from any other teen.
Anyway, I hope this was helpful, I really, really loved this story, you did a great job.
Yeah, I was left hanging a little too. But it was still super good!
i thought it was awesome, but i gotta be honest. i had to re-read the last part because i didn't really get it at first. it was kind of confusing, but after i re-read it i got it, and thought it was cool. it was very descriptive, and had nice sensory detail in it. i liked how you kept us on the edge by ending the "chapter" right at a super exciting part. so all in all i'd probably give it like an 8.8 outta 10, which is pretty good because i'm a super tough grader, jk, hahaha, so ya really good story!
I liked the story overall, but I think I will probably be a little more brutal than anyone else. I loved the story, but the ending just wasn't what I was expecting. I would like to know more about Jane and Sean's plan, why Rick was 'the one', where this Jane character is, and how Sean would be able to slip a note into Rick's pocket if he is completely duck taped up.
Don't get me wrong, I still loved the story and thought it was amazing! I just wasn't a huge fan of the way you ended it.
I just read your comment on the last one, but I still don't like the ending all that much. I still think there are a lot of questions left unanswered. I also would like to say that the whole utopian society thing is kinda vague, and I don't know why Jane didn't just lead the thing herself because obviously she is power hungry and people like that don't like it when somebody is above them.
So, I think the story is so intriguing and well done. Here's the part I think I'm struggling with. In my experience (and this could totally just be a personal taste, so take it for what it's worth), the best stories have a main character who either struggles to go through some transformation or he/she struggles against some (usually evil) force and eventually overcomes/kills/wins.
I like how you've kind of made Rick into a genius/prodigy. In fact, if in the interchange with his teacher in sixth grade he could ask a question that she couldn't answer (or something like that) it would be even stronger. Then, if he struggled with the idea of joining the ABW. Maybe he does feel like he could be "the one" who could resist the absolute power. Or maybe Sean has a whole army of followers who are ready to follow Rick and he has to use his genius to outsmart them.
Boy, I'm really rambling here. Just trying to share a couple of ideas. But the premise, the creepiness, the characters are all great.
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