Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thank you Lauren

For teaching me how to love as deeply as my 18 year-old heart possibly could.
For helping me (indirectly) to learn to apply the Atonement.
For showing me how to have tons of fun.
For so many great times together, laughing.
For teaching me chivalry.
For helping me to be my best self.
For encouraging me (because of the person that you were) to think my most noble thoughts.
For encouraging me to serve a mission.
For teaching me sympathy.
For making me dig deep and turn to the Lord.
For opening up opportunities to be a better missionary.
For opening up opportunities to make friendships that I wouldn’t have made if we were still together.
For friendships made while we were together that I wouldn’t have made if we weren’t together.
Lauren, thanks for 14 great months. I cherish memories with you. They are close to my (broken) heart. I’m very sad that something so great and wonderful had to come to such a painful, immature, and bitter end. I’m so sad about the way you have handled the situation. I know you probably won’t read this, but I still wanted to thank you. I miss so many of the good things that we had together, but I have now realized that I deserve much better than the way you have treated me in the last month.
I deserve someone who cares enough to not want to hurt me.
I deserve someone who is nice to people, not just their significant other.
I deserve someone who loves me for me.
Someday, I’m going to find someone like that. You, Lauren, have helped me move closer to that person. In the end, after some serious maturation on your part, I think we could be great friends again, and maybe even date. But for now, I hope that you can realize your mistakes, think about someone besides yourself, learn your lessons, and be happy and successful in whatever you choose to pursue.
Now, other people need to be thanked.

Thank you Nate, for spending this week with me in Provo so that I didn’t have to sit with nothing but (potentially negative) thoughts for company.
Thank you Jesse, for your music that truly touches me, for caring about me, and for making your love for me apparent in your subtle way.
Thank you Mom, for letting me cry on your shoulder, being the absolute best mom, and for having sympathy in the most incredible, incomparable way.
Thank you Mom, Dad, Elizabeth, Nate, and Matt for so freely forgiving me and loving me fully and appreciating everything from my weird sense of humor to my specialty falsetto riffs in the living room (I guess those are the same thing).
Thank you Annie, for being the absolute best friend anyone could ever ask for. For listening to me, advising me, giving straight up sympathy, and assuring me that I deserve better treatment than I have received.
Thank you Becca and Jessy for putting up with me being in your apartment more than my own and also being wonderful friends to me.
Thank you to Adam for being my brother and an awesome roommate. You will make an amazing missionary.
Thank you Jessica, Elizabeth, and the rest of 129 for being awesome FHE sisters and letting me complain to you and caring.
I know there is more, but I think that covers the majority of my earthly helpers.

Thank you all. I love you and am so grateful to you all for caring about me and loving me. Also, thanks for dealing with the endless run-on sentences and ridiculous number of ands in this post.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Explanation :)

Okay, so I feel bad because I've left some ominous, scary posts. Here's the story, so everyone knows what's going on.

So Lauren and I had been dating for about 14 months, and were just the happiest couple ever. We had lots of fun, we had our bad days like any couple, but 90 percent of our relationship was just smooth sailing and the other 10 percent was solved easily.

Over Thanksgiving break, Lauren broke up with me very unexpectedly. I didn't really have any forewarning, and that's part of what made it really hard. Originally, she said the reason was that with my mission coming up in about 6 months, we needed to break up, that it was just the best thing. Now I had been having similar feelings (about needing to slow down and become much less attached in order for me to be a good missionary and her to not be miserable when I left). I thought that just breaking up seemed like a pretty drastic action, but I accepted it and while it really hurt, I knew that I'd just have to get over it.

(I'm leaving out specific details here, but you'll all get the overview.) So after she broke up with me, and after saying that she still wanted to be good friends and everything, she was a really big jerk to me. I could give specific examples, but it's really not necessary, it's easy enough to say that she was really mean and did not show that she wanted to be friends. If anything, she made it quite clear that she didn't ever want to talk to me again, and that her life was much better without me. So that was hard.

Really hard.

But, I'm a strong guy, and I started getting over it. It really hurt, but slowly I was getting better at not thinking about it and getting over it.

The final dagger (and the origin of my last post) was that I found out that she already hooked up with a new guy. And that she's been with him for a week. This just really hurt that she didn't have respect or dignity to give me (or herself, for that matter) time to let wounds heal. So just to clear up the timeline--she hooked up with a new guy after about a week and a half of breaking up with me after us being together for 14 months. I don't think I'm alone in thinking that that is way too quick.

The hard part is that I feel like I've handled the situation so well and yet it's just one thing after another. But obviously, she has her agency. She's 16 and it's not an easy situation for her either. I definitely wish that she was handling the situation more maturely, but all I can control is how I react.

The point is, I'm fine. Yes, it really hurts. I never thought that she would treat me this way. But, for the most part, I am doing much better. Obviously it's hard to not think about her, and that's when I throw my little pity parties like my last blog post. But I don't want anyone to worry. With time, it'll pass, and every day it gets a little easier. Thank you all for your support. I love you guys. I am truly blessed to have family and friends who care about me.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Hopefully

The night is darkest just before the dawn.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Hallelujah

Never have to go to 7AM basketball class again.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Possibly the Best Song Ever

I've got a friend in Bethlehem
And the angels sing His name
I've got a friend in Bethlehem
And I'll never be the same

I've got a friend in Galilee
And He walks upon the sea
I've got a friend in Galilee
And He's always there for me

On storms I see, He reaches out for me
A miracle, if I believe

I've got a friend on the mountainside
And He's always feeding me
I've got a friend on the mountainside
And He teaches how to be

I've got a friend on Calvary
And He lived and died for me
I've got a friend on Calvary
And He died to set me free

On the third day, He rose up from the tomb
To break the bands for me and you.

I've got a friend in Bethlehem
I've got a friend in Galilee
I've got a friend on Calvary
I've got a friend right here with me.