I'm just discovering the joy of Deep Thoughts WIth Jack Handey. Here are a few of my favorites so far.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots."
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
If, when you die, you get to choose between regular heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if not, oh boy!
(That last one is just one that I've heard my dad say, so I'm sorry if it's not word for word.)
6 comments:
When I got to the parachute one I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know why it was so stupid but so funny. The gernade one was also hilarious
Btw, my blog isn't working so I got a new one: seanandhisguns.blogspot.com
Those were hilarious. Thank you.
Oh my goodness! Thank you, thank you for the laughs! They were great. I loved the trap window. lol.
-Kate
Some day, I will combine Willie Cayote and the Roadrunner's abilities together. I will run past someone at superspeed and wack them with my long cayote tongue. No one will know what hit them!
!Matt!
Ha ha those were good man I will not lie!!!! Hey you might be a BYU fan if you think popcorn grows on trees!! :)
haha, those are some great quotes
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