Thank you Lauren

For teaching me how to love as deeply as my 18 year-old heart possibly could.
For helping me (indirectly) to learn to apply the Atonement.
For showing me how to have tons of fun.
For so many great times together, laughing.
For teaching me chivalry.
For helping me to be my best self.
For encouraging me (because of the person that you were) to think my most noble thoughts.
For encouraging me to serve a mission.
For teaching me sympathy.
For making me dig deep and turn to the Lord.
For opening up opportunities to be a better missionary.
For opening up opportunities to make friendships that I wouldn’t have made if we were still together.
For friendships made while we were together that I wouldn’t have made if we weren’t together.
Lauren, thanks for 14 great months. I cherish memories with you. They are close to my (broken) heart. I’m very sad that something so great and wonderful had to come to such a painful, immature, and bitter end. I’m so sad about the way you have handled the situation. I know you probably won’t read this, but I still wanted to thank you. I miss so many of the good things that we had together, but I have now realized that I deserve much better than the way you have treated me in the last month.
I deserve someone who cares enough to not want to hurt me.
I deserve someone who is nice to people, not just their significant other.
I deserve someone who loves me for me.
Someday, I’m going to find someone like that. You, Lauren, have helped me move closer to that person. In the end, after some serious maturation on your part, I think we could be great friends again, and maybe even date. But for now, I hope that you can realize your mistakes, think about someone besides yourself, learn your lessons, and be happy and successful in whatever you choose to pursue.
Now, other people need to be thanked.

Thank you Nate, for spending this week with me in Provo so that I didn’t have to sit with nothing but (potentially negative) thoughts for company.
Thank you Jesse, for your music that truly touches me, for caring about me, and for making your love for me apparent in your subtle way.
Thank you Mom, for letting me cry on your shoulder, being the absolute best mom, and for having sympathy in the most incredible, incomparable way.
Thank you Mom, Dad, Elizabeth, Nate, and Matt for so freely forgiving me and loving me fully and appreciating everything from my weird sense of humor to my specialty falsetto riffs in the living room (I guess those are the same thing).
Thank you Annie, for being the absolute best friend anyone could ever ask for. For listening to me, advising me, giving straight up sympathy, and assuring me that I deserve better treatment than I have received.
Thank you Becca and Jessy for putting up with me being in your apartment more than my own and also being wonderful friends to me.
Thank you to Adam for being my brother and an awesome roommate. You will make an amazing missionary.
Thank you Jessica, Elizabeth, and the rest of 129 for being awesome FHE sisters and letting me complain to you and caring.
I know there is more, but I think that covers the majority of my earthly helpers.

Thank you all. I love you and am so grateful to you all for caring about me and loving me. Also, thanks for dealing with the endless run-on sentences and ridiculous number of ands in this post.

Explanation :)

Okay, so I feel bad because I've left some ominous, scary posts. Here's the story, so everyone knows what's going on.

So Lauren and I had been dating for about 14 months, and were just the happiest couple ever. We had lots of fun, we had our bad days like any couple, but 90 percent of our relationship was just smooth sailing and the other 10 percent was solved easily.

Over Thanksgiving break, Lauren broke up with me very unexpectedly. I didn't really have any forewarning, and that's part of what made it really hard. Originally, she said the reason was that with my mission coming up in about 6 months, we needed to break up, that it was just the best thing. Now I had been having similar feelings (about needing to slow down and become much less attached in order for me to be a good missionary and her to not be miserable when I left). I thought that just breaking up seemed like a pretty drastic action, but I accepted it and while it really hurt, I knew that I'd just have to get over it.

(I'm leaving out specific details here, but you'll all get the overview.) So after she broke up with me, and after saying that she still wanted to be good friends and everything, she was a really big jerk to me. I could give specific examples, but it's really not necessary, it's easy enough to say that she was really mean and did not show that she wanted to be friends. If anything, she made it quite clear that she didn't ever want to talk to me again, and that her life was much better without me. So that was hard.

Really hard.

But, I'm a strong guy, and I started getting over it. It really hurt, but slowly I was getting better at not thinking about it and getting over it.

The final dagger (and the origin of my last post) was that I found out that she already hooked up with a new guy. And that she's been with him for a week. This just really hurt that she didn't have respect or dignity to give me (or herself, for that matter) time to let wounds heal. So just to clear up the timeline--she hooked up with a new guy after about a week and a half of breaking up with me after us being together for 14 months. I don't think I'm alone in thinking that that is way too quick.

The hard part is that I feel like I've handled the situation so well and yet it's just one thing after another. But obviously, she has her agency. She's 16 and it's not an easy situation for her either. I definitely wish that she was handling the situation more maturely, but all I can control is how I react.

The point is, I'm fine. Yes, it really hurts. I never thought that she would treat me this way. But, for the most part, I am doing much better. Obviously it's hard to not think about her, and that's when I throw my little pity parties like my last blog post. But I don't want anyone to worry. With time, it'll pass, and every day it gets a little easier. Thank you all for your support. I love you guys. I am truly blessed to have family and friends who care about me.

Hopefully

The night is darkest just before the dawn.

Hallelujah

Never have to go to 7AM basketball class again.

Possibly the Best Song Ever

I've got a friend in Bethlehem
And the angels sing His name
I've got a friend in Bethlehem
And I'll never be the same

I've got a friend in Galilee
And He walks upon the sea
I've got a friend in Galilee
And He's always there for me

On storms I see, He reaches out for me
A miracle, if I believe

I've got a friend on the mountainside
And He's always feeding me
I've got a friend on the mountainside
And He teaches how to be

I've got a friend on Calvary
And He lived and died for me
I've got a friend on Calvary
And He died to set me free

On the third day, He rose up from the tomb
To break the bands for me and you.

I've got a friend in Bethlehem
I've got a friend in Galilee
I've got a friend on Calvary
I've got a friend right here with me.

Note To Self

Ibuprofen does nothing for a broken heart.

Current Update in mostly incomplete sentences

Tuesday November 17, 2010
6:40 AM
Sit up.
Head pound.
Quick check of all holes in my head (nostrils 1 and 2, mouth/throat, eyes, ears).
All holes clogged.
Think to self, "Guess I'm not going to 7AM basketball class."
Lay down.
Think to self, "You're going to fail if you don't go."
Sit back up.
Moan.
Pull on basketball shorts.
Suffer through basketball class.
Get back.
Call in sick.
Spend entire day in miserable stuffiness.
Go to sleep.

Wednesday November 18, 2010
8:20 AM
Sit up.
Feel okay.
Think to self, "I'm okay."
Go to work.
Head pounding.
Nose clogged.
Papers to write.
Quiz to take.
Cruise this weekend.

Blah.

Bucket List Check-Off

Get woken up in my apartment by the Cougar Marching Band, playing the fight song, on the day of homecoming. Check.

Rise all loyal cougars.

Deep Thoughts With Josh Crowley

Sometimes I think of life like my frozen burrito: Tons of things in life are great. But if it's cheap, it's just going to give you gas.

I don't know, I'll never be Jack Handy. It's a work in progress.

A short, thoughtful poem for you

As I walked back from early class,
In the steady, cool morning air,
I passed hoards of my fellow freshmen,
And got high from their wafting perfume.

Yummy.

Quick Update

So I'm about three weeks into college.

It's great. I can't say it's what I expected. I also don't know exactly what I expected, but whatever it was, this isn't exactly it. It's great though! I started my job this week, and that has been stressful, but good. I'm taking 12 credits and working 20 hours a week. I love BYU. I love that we have a prayer before class. I love cheering at the games as a student. I hope all is well with you and yours. I hope that I can post a little more often as I get the hang of everything.

“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.”
Jack Handy quote

Thank you, friend.

Good friends have been on my mind lately. I have had a ton of good friends in my life. I could go on for hours explaining all the people who have influenced me and how they have changed my life, but it suffices me to say this:

Thank you. Thank you for being my friend. I love you guys and truly know that the Lord has guided my life in a specific way. I only hope that I can give Him back a life of service and love and friendship to His children.

I am so blessed. It overwhelms me to think about how richly blessed I am. Thank you again.

P.S. I am moving down to provo in two days!! I'll hopefully be posting more once I'm moved in, considering that I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself for entertainment (other than BYU football, of course :)

Headline on this month's readers digest

On the front cover of this month's readers digest read the story headline "13 things identity thieves won't tell you."

First off, how many of you are in contact with your identity thief/thieves and how honest are they with you? Are they holding back their secrets? Is the relationship open and personal? Or secretive? What isn't he/she telling you?

Now, to further mock this stupidly chosen headline, I have come up with my own list of 13 things that I doubt that identity thieves will tell you.

13. His (for the sake of this list, we're assuming it's a dude) mother's maiden name.
12. The answer to his "secret question" to change his passwords.
11. His credit card number
10. His social security number
9. Bank account number
8. Pin number
7. Kids names and birthdays
6. Passwords
5. His name
4. His address
3. His phone number
2. Where he keeps his valuables

And number one on the list of things that Josh thinks that your identity thief won't tell you:

1. Uh...THE FACT THAT HE'S STOLEN YOUR IDENTITY.

This whole "wait-a-year-to-get-into-the-mission-field" plan really stinks.

See title.

How does this sound?

$10 an hour
My own schedule
Free vacation/break time
Consistent, rewarding work
By myself (free to listen to ipod, think, sing, etc)
For the rest of the summer

Man, I am so blessed. My prayers were truly answered.

Help Available

You know, like "Help Wanted" except it's "Help Available"

I need a job.

Lame post.

Here's a Nice Follow Up to the Invincible Teenager Post

So I'm going to college in the fall. College is expensive. BYU didn't give me an academic scholarship despite good grades and a good act score. I then applied for a scholarship from the diabetes scholars foundation for 5,000 dollars. I put together an amazing application, if I do say so myself. No dice. Found out just now that I didn't get it.

Gosh dang it.

This sucks. Why doesn't anyone want to help me out? I don't know how I'm going to pay for college.

Another Flashback

I'm graduating from High School next week. This reminded me of this experience:

I was probably about 9 or 10 years old. We were living at our old house (2 streets over from where we live now). I was sitting on my bedroom floor looking at the coin collecting book my parents got for me for my birthday, on the page for the state quarters. Each state's slot fell under the year its quarter would be released. I remember looking at the four slots for the year 2008 and my heart sinking.

"I'll be able to drive." I thought. And I started crying. Just the fact that this year was in the foreseeable future, that it was written in this book, scared me to death.

I don't cry about growing up any more, but it is weird to think that my life is going to change more than ever before in the next year. The next 3 months, really.

I'm so stoked. Bring on the world. Bring on college, mission, career, family. I know--I have invincible teenager syndrome. And I love it.

Word Documents From My Computer Through The Years

1st 9th grade essay
AP Euro Summer project
6 Dollar Burger Poem
Blog fill in the blank story
Concert Critique
Conference Bingo
Cougar Report
Cover for poem project
Cover for SBO portfolio
Diabetes Scholarship Application
Edited Blog Stories
Essay Rewrite
Favorite Quotes
Hell Newspaper
In the Valley of Prumbles
Jack Handy Quotes
Josh's Poems
Josh's Resume
Josh's Short Story
Life of Pi and Lord of the Flies
Mr. Rogers Newspaper
Mr. Wolf
On Top of Water
Reflective Writing
Sacrament Talk
Stats Project
Sweet 16 Invite
Waterskiing Project
Writing is...

Flashbacks

A couple days ago I went to Carl's Jr. After finishing all but the little bit of Sprite and the ice in the cup, I left it in the truck. A few hours later, on my way home, I grabbed the cup to sip the remains of my drink earlier. The mostly-water-but-Sprite-flavored liquid hit my tongue.

Almost as realistically as a time-traveling, cartoon vortex, I found myself sitting in a gold toyota. I was in the passenger seat with my dad, parked in a neighborhood in provo, finishing a whopper before kick-off. Greg Wrubel's voice was examining the game weather conditions, and it had taken so long for me to finish the massive burger that there was just a small mixture of melted ice and sprite in the bottom of my cup. With painful realization, I found myself slamming back down into the present, sitting in my truck, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

I miss BYU football.

Yesterday I took advantage of the chance to drive our Mazda rather than the truck and plugged my ipod into the tape converter. With the ipod on shuffle, I found myself listening to "Sunny Days" by Jars of Clay. With the same reality previously described, I was transported into a small, white-and-purple glastron boat on a 90 degree summer day. I was laying in the bow of the boat, listening to the stereo play a CD entitled "Lake Favorites." My muscles were completely exhausted, having taken a beating the previous two or three days of the lake trip. My original sunburn was turning into a nice tan and I was with a few of my favorite people in the world.

I miss waterskiing.

Bathroom Humor (not really)

Okay, this might be slightly awkward, but what is the deal with not flushing the toilet in public bathrooms? I've never walked into someone's bathroom in their house and found leftovers, so what's the deal with public bathrooms? I've tried to come up with any explanation and nothing makes sense.

Laziness? Can't be. Pulling a handle? Even lazy people do that.

Just forget? I doubt it. If you don't forget at home, you couldn't forget in public.

Humor? I just don't see how this is funny. Even if you have some twisted sense of humor and would get a laugh out of that, you don't get to see the reaction, so how is it funny?

Also, scratching swear words into the wall? What the heck? Do you really feel like a big shot? Anyway, I just don't get it.

Thoughts to ponder. Haha

Senioritis

Oh how I wish I could graduate right now.

I always said that I'd never have a problem getting through high school; I've never had trouble coming to school and sitting in class.

I was wrong.

I'm pretty sure I must have done something horribly wrong to deserve the punishment of sitting in class every day, wishing I was at BYU or serving a mission.

Blah.

Little Brother

I'm so sick of Utah fans around here.

Friday I was watching the Cougars win their first tournament game since 1993 in the library at my school during lunch when a bunch of people showed up in utah apparel and started cheering loudly for Florida. When asked about how the Utes did this season they promptly (and expectedly) responded, "I don't follow Utah basketball."

Of course you don't. They suck this year.

I just saw a post on Facebook from a Utah fan cheering on the Kansas State Wildcats.

Look, you don't have to cheer for BYU. I don't cheer for Utah, even when it's "good for the conference." Call me irresponsible and immature; I still don't cheer for them. But seriously, at least I have the decency to keep it to myself.

Utah didn't even make the NIT--the loser's bracket.

Grow up, Yewts.

It's 11:31

and I feel like writing something short.

Few February Fridays,
those normally numbing times,
can meet the magnificence
of today.

:)

Dear Josh:

The Admissions Committee is delighted to inform you that you have been admitted to Brigham Young University to begin Fall 2010. Through your preparation and personal achievements you have distinguished yourself from a very strong group of applicants. We believe you will make a positive contribution to our BYU community. It is a great pleasure to welcome you to our campus to pursue your educational goals.

Warmest regards,

R. Kirk Strong
Director of Admission Services

Accept Decision
Once you have decided whether or not you will or will not be attending Brigham Young University, please return to this section and inform us of your decision. For further explanation, see the frequently asked questions link.
I will be attending BYU.

I've decided

that texting has actually been good for my writing skills, in a weird way, and as weird as that sounds. Here's my reasoning:

First off, I don't use the texting language (i.e. not using commas, saying txt instead of text, R for are, U for you, etc). The only habit I have gotten into is not capitalizing "I," which I feel bad about every time.

Secondly, and more importantly, I think being able to say what you mean in 160 characters is a valuable skill. My college entrance essays this year had to be 200 words or less, which is VERY limited space. I hate to say that texting helped me, but I certainly don't think it hurt.

Random thought of the day :)

It's My Life, It's My Blog

I really don't have much to say today.

I'm hopefully going to the temple tonight and then to the Viewmont Hockey game.

I have an appointment with my endo (diabetes doctor) tomorrow.

I'm nervous.

Last time was my worst visit ever because I was not maintaining good control of my diabetes.

This time should be better.

They take a test that measures your blood sugar control over the previous three months.

I hate doing it. So much trepidation.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing great, I really am loving life, I just don't have a lot to say today.

Oh, I'm waiting to hear from the BYU admissions office. :)