Lunch ended quickly and soon the boys were racing down the river, with Sam and Matt leading the way. Soon the group came to a sign reading, Warning: White Water Rapids. Approach At Your Own Risk. This was met by another cheer from the troop as butterflies rose in each stomach.
Sam approached first, carefully aiming for every gap. As more boys dropped into the fast water, it became apparent that something wasn’t right. This wasn’t anything like the videos the troop had watched in preparation sessions. The water was too high and too fast. Gaps were difficult to see and the scrape of rock on the fiberglass bottoms of the kayaks could be heard over the roar of the river. Not thirty seconds into the rapids, there was a broken, gasping yell from Matt who was helplessly floating with the river, having lost his kayak. Jim watched as Matt would fall below the waterline, only to resurface several seconds later.
Jim paddled hard, trying to maneuver his way towards Matt, ignoring his own safety. As he came within feet of his flailing scout, there was an ear-splitting crack as Jim’s kayak hit a hidden boulder. Jim was thrown forward as his kayak came to an immediate stop. His powerless figure landed limply in the water, disappearing quickly under the surface.
Still ahead of the pack was Sam. Through his tear filled eyes, Sam caught a glimpse of the bottom of the treacherous rapids. Adrenaline surged through his veins as he paddled harder towards the next gap. His renewed determination propelled him hard and fast—too fast.
In his firm surge towards the gap, he had overshot it. Abandoning safety, he leaned towards the gap in a panicked attempt to fix his mistake. Without warning, his kayak tipped over, holding him in a death grip under the water. Frantically he flailed under the water, freeing his legs from the kayak. In a blind frenzy, his arms found the slippery surface of a fallen log in the water. Straining to keep his head above the water, Sam took a huge gulp of air, plunged his head under, summoned all of his strength, and pulled himself along the log towards the bank.
After a moment to catch his breath, he got up and scrambled up the bank to the top of the rapids. He searched hopefully for any sign of a scout, kayak, or leader, but found nothing. His mind racing, Sam ran down the shore to the bottom of the rapids. This time his hopeful search turned to a discovery of despair. Floating down the river was the lifeless body of every member of the group. Sam panicked and raced towards one of the bodies, caught on a rock near the shore.
Sam reached his friend and pulled him out of the water, turning over the body in his arms. It was Matt. Praying for a miracle, Sam checked for a pulse.
Nothing.
He held Matt’s face to his cheek, feeling for breathing. Still nothing. Sam dragged his friend up the shore and began performing CPR. Two emergency breaths. Fifteen compressions. Breath. Fifteen. Breath. Fifteen. Sam eyes burned with tears as he desperately tried to revive his best friend. Just when it seemed hopeless, Matt suddenly coughed and vomited several times. Despite his joy, Sam remembered that Matt could choke on or drown in his own vomit. Quickly, Sam turned him over and hit him on the back.
But he didn’t heave. No more coughing. It was over just as quickly as it had begun. Sam desperately felt for a pulse. Still nothing. No breathing. Springing into action, Sam began CPR again. But this time there was no vomit. No coughing. No hope.
Sam turned, beyond tears, beyond feeling, and walked aimlessly. Within minutes, he collapsed.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Down the River: A New Short Story
I wrote this for creative writing. It's too long to post the whole thing at once, so I'll post more later.
Sam Brinkhart yawned in the mid-80 degree weather Tuesday morning as he paddled his kayak towards the bank of the Snake River. The local scout troop was on a five-day river run in southern Idaho. Sam struggled out of his kayak on the shore and walked up the bank to wait for his turn in the small latrine. As he stretched out his somewhat cramped legs he chatted with his buddies.
“So Matt, I’m thinkin’ you’ll be the first one to eat it.” Sam joked.
“Yeah right. My money’s on you.” Matt responded. It was the extreme unlikelihood of either scenario, which made everyone in the group laugh. Matt and Sam were by far the most athletic boys in the troop, and both had picked up the skill of kayaking with abnormal ease.
“In fact, I’ll bet your tube gets caught on someone’s oar and you fall in.” Matt added. Matt was referring to Sam’s insulin pump. Sam had been diagnosed with diabetes when he was twelve. He was one of the shortest members of the group. He had dark brown hair and a deceptively scrawny build; everyone knew that Matt was the only boy in the troop who Sam couldn’t out-muscle. His genuine friendliness and easy-going nature made it easy to kid with him, as Matt enjoyed doing frequently.
Matt was a state champion wrestler in the 198 weight class and looked the part of tough guy. His high cheekbones, sunken eyes and cauliflower ear were enough to make any physical competitor curl into the fetal position in terror.
Soon the group was back on the water, led by Jim. He was an experienced outdoorsman who had played the part of scoutmaster in the neighborhood for over twenty years. He was especially excited for this group of 15-17 year old boys because of their excellent physical condition and fearless nature.
Bringing up the rear was 26-year-old Tim Treft. He loved being with the boys as it took him back to his days of scouthood. As assistant scoutmaster the responsibility of manning the equipment raft fell on him. All of the food, cooking equipment, tents, and backpacks were in the raft with him.
When the sun started to set, the boys set up camp and began cooking their tin-foil dinners in the campfire.
“What’ve you got in your dinner, Matt?” Sam said, trying to strike up some dinner conversation.
“Ground beef, cheesy potatoes, and some veggies. You?”
“Barbeque chicken, rice, beans—
“Beans!?” the whole troop moaned, “You’re gonna stink up the tent!”
~~~~
The next morning went similar to the day before; the boys joked and raced and soaked themselves to the bone. When the boys stopped for lunch, Sam piped up,
“So, when do we get to some white water Jim?”
“When your mom gets here to hold your hand.” Matt joked.
After examining the map, Jim said, “Looks like the first rapids are about a mile from where we are now.”
This was met with massive cheers from the boys.
“Hang on.” Jim said, “We’ve got to review the procedure of taking on ra—
“Ah come on, Jim! We’ve been over it a thousand times! Aim for gaps, take it slow, watch for obstacles, lean back, we know! Please can we go?”
“Alright, but everyone be careful, we don’t want an accident.” Jim warned.
“And no crying, Sam.” Matt added.
“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” Sam joked back.
Sam Brinkhart yawned in the mid-80 degree weather Tuesday morning as he paddled his kayak towards the bank of the Snake River. The local scout troop was on a five-day river run in southern Idaho. Sam struggled out of his kayak on the shore and walked up the bank to wait for his turn in the small latrine. As he stretched out his somewhat cramped legs he chatted with his buddies.
“So Matt, I’m thinkin’ you’ll be the first one to eat it.” Sam joked.
“Yeah right. My money’s on you.” Matt responded. It was the extreme unlikelihood of either scenario, which made everyone in the group laugh. Matt and Sam were by far the most athletic boys in the troop, and both had picked up the skill of kayaking with abnormal ease.
“In fact, I’ll bet your tube gets caught on someone’s oar and you fall in.” Matt added. Matt was referring to Sam’s insulin pump. Sam had been diagnosed with diabetes when he was twelve. He was one of the shortest members of the group. He had dark brown hair and a deceptively scrawny build; everyone knew that Matt was the only boy in the troop who Sam couldn’t out-muscle. His genuine friendliness and easy-going nature made it easy to kid with him, as Matt enjoyed doing frequently.
Matt was a state champion wrestler in the 198 weight class and looked the part of tough guy. His high cheekbones, sunken eyes and cauliflower ear were enough to make any physical competitor curl into the fetal position in terror.
Soon the group was back on the water, led by Jim. He was an experienced outdoorsman who had played the part of scoutmaster in the neighborhood for over twenty years. He was especially excited for this group of 15-17 year old boys because of their excellent physical condition and fearless nature.
Bringing up the rear was 26-year-old Tim Treft. He loved being with the boys as it took him back to his days of scouthood. As assistant scoutmaster the responsibility of manning the equipment raft fell on him. All of the food, cooking equipment, tents, and backpacks were in the raft with him.
When the sun started to set, the boys set up camp and began cooking their tin-foil dinners in the campfire.
“What’ve you got in your dinner, Matt?” Sam said, trying to strike up some dinner conversation.
“Ground beef, cheesy potatoes, and some veggies. You?”
“Barbeque chicken, rice, beans—
“Beans!?” the whole troop moaned, “You’re gonna stink up the tent!”
~~~~
The next morning went similar to the day before; the boys joked and raced and soaked themselves to the bone. When the boys stopped for lunch, Sam piped up,
“So, when do we get to some white water Jim?”
“When your mom gets here to hold your hand.” Matt joked.
After examining the map, Jim said, “Looks like the first rapids are about a mile from where we are now.”
This was met with massive cheers from the boys.
“Hang on.” Jim said, “We’ve got to review the procedure of taking on ra—
“Ah come on, Jim! We’ve been over it a thousand times! Aim for gaps, take it slow, watch for obstacles, lean back, we know! Please can we go?”
“Alright, but everyone be careful, we don’t want an accident.” Jim warned.
“And no crying, Sam.” Matt added.
“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” Sam joked back.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Why They Will Always Be The Little Brother...
Let's say your little brother hides in the back seat of your car and tags along on a date. You are extremely irritated when he pops out of back seat and drenches you with his fully loaded super soaker. You are forced to turn around and take him home and change your clothes and you miss the movie you were going to see. Why might he have done this?
1. He needs attention.
2. He thinks it'll make him cool.
3. He knows that you're too nice to beat the crap out of him for it.
4. He thinks he's funny
5. He just flat-out enjoys being a pain in the rear.
Let's say that a bunch of Utah fans deck themselves out in Utah apparel, show up to the BYU vs. Utah basketball game at the Marriot Center and decide to show up early and force their way into the BYU student section.
Why might they have done this?
1. They need attention.
2. They think it would make them cool.
3. They know BYU fans are too nice to beat the crap out of them.
4. They think they're funny.
5. They just flat-out enjoy being a pain in the butt.
The first story didn't happen. The second did. I'm actually not upset by it at all. I'm just pointing out that Utah fans can't get upset by being referred to as BYU's "little brother" and still pull stunts like that.
I know I'm a little late, but GO COUGS!
1. He needs attention.
2. He thinks it'll make him cool.
3. He knows that you're too nice to beat the crap out of him for it.
4. He thinks he's funny
5. He just flat-out enjoys being a pain in the rear.
Let's say that a bunch of Utah fans deck themselves out in Utah apparel, show up to the BYU vs. Utah basketball game at the Marriot Center and decide to show up early and force their way into the BYU student section.
Why might they have done this?
1. They need attention.
2. They think it would make them cool.
3. They know BYU fans are too nice to beat the crap out of them.
4. They think they're funny.
5. They just flat-out enjoy being a pain in the butt.
The first story didn't happen. The second did. I'm actually not upset by it at all. I'm just pointing out that Utah fans can't get upset by being referred to as BYU's "little brother" and still pull stunts like that.
I know I'm a little late, but GO COUGS!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Blog Review
Today in creative writing, we basically had free time to write whatever we wanted. My creative juices weren't flowing at all, so I decided to look back on my early days of blogging. I basically read everything I've ever posted. And in the end, although there was a lot of junky stuff, it was very apparent that my blog has declined in quality and popularity in the last year or so. Hopefully, I'll come up with a great idea for a short story in the next day or two that I can start posting to jump start this blog.
After reading everything, I realized that I never did post any pictures of my broken nose that I got last May. So, here it is. Keep in mind that this was immediately after the InstaCare cleaned me up. As in no shower, no water. I look pretty out of it and hideous to be perfectly honest. But that's all right, you guys know how attractive I normally am ;) jk.
and just for good measure, I'll add an awesome photo of me :)
After reading everything, I realized that I never did post any pictures of my broken nose that I got last May. So, here it is. Keep in mind that this was immediately after the InstaCare cleaned me up. As in no shower, no water. I look pretty out of it and hideous to be perfectly honest. But that's all right, you guys know how attractive I normally am ;) jk.
and just for good measure, I'll add an awesome photo of me :)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Josh's Almost Alphabet of Alliteration
Auntie Anne answers Adam's apathy with adoration.
Big bad British boys bring bright bristles to the board.
Cowardly cackling Chris cries and croaks on the coaster.
Dark dungeons destroy dumb dimples.
Every egg examines each and every entity.
Four funny fingers find fifteen flapjacks.
Gallons of gurgling gruel gave giddy girls gleety gloom.
Hundreds of huge hungry hippos hurled humble humorists at Harry.
Illustrious images issue inheritances.
Jealous jaguars jab jackals jubilantly.
Klutzy koalas kindle Karma's kiss.
The last legend of eleven lavalavas leave lasting legacies.
Millions of meticulous machetes make major maladjustments to manic mandrills.
No Nates need nice nights.
Obviously obtrusive ocelots organize ominous oranges.
Plenty of purple panthers pry pickles from pasty pans.
Quickly quieting queens quit the quizzes.
Red rumbling rhinos restrict righteous Ron from reading about rascals.
Slimy sloths sing sweetly in the sunshine.
Tiny tots tire terribly.
Under Uncle Ud's umbrella you understand.
Victorious Vikings vitally view volatile vipers.
Wispy walruses weigh wimpy whiskers.
Existential executives exempt expectant experts.
Yacking yacks yell at young yodelers.
Zealous Zane zaps zero zebras.
Please excuse the lack of commas.
Big bad British boys bring bright bristles to the board.
Cowardly cackling Chris cries and croaks on the coaster.
Dark dungeons destroy dumb dimples.
Every egg examines each and every entity.
Four funny fingers find fifteen flapjacks.
Gallons of gurgling gruel gave giddy girls gleety gloom.
Hundreds of huge hungry hippos hurled humble humorists at Harry.
Illustrious images issue inheritances.
Jealous jaguars jab jackals jubilantly.
Klutzy koalas kindle Karma's kiss.
The last legend of eleven lavalavas leave lasting legacies.
Millions of meticulous machetes make major maladjustments to manic mandrills.
No Nates need nice nights.
Obviously obtrusive ocelots organize ominous oranges.
Plenty of purple panthers pry pickles from pasty pans.
Quickly quieting queens quit the quizzes.
Red rumbling rhinos restrict righteous Ron from reading about rascals.
Slimy sloths sing sweetly in the sunshine.
Tiny tots tire terribly.
Under Uncle Ud's umbrella you understand.
Victorious Vikings vitally view volatile vipers.
Wispy walruses weigh wimpy whiskers.
Existential executives exempt expectant experts.
Yacking yacks yell at young yodelers.
Zealous Zane zaps zero zebras.
Please excuse the lack of commas.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Story results
Sorry that it has been more like 2 weeks. After reading all of your stories I felt like I couldn't really pick one that was better than all the others. So I've posted them here, in no particular order, for your enjoyment. For some reason blogger isn't allowing me to change fonts or anything, so i can't emphasize the inserted words, although you should be able to tell which ones were changed :)
Kate’s
Once upon a time lived the tricky Brian Family. Matt and Louie lived sweetly with their 4 sandy children: a crunchy 16year old named Paul, a creamy 200 year old named David, a freezing 45 year old named Brent, and a hot 1 year old named Freddie.
One radical day the Brians decided to take a difficult vacation. Matt, being the adventurous type, decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but -34 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Paul decided to bring a super toothbrush, David some powerful scissors, Brent a tough machete, and Freddie a realistic blanket.
After quickly jumping in the car and driving 89 miles, the Brians met the first of many obstacles on their innovative vacation. In the middle of the road stood a wild gnu. “Just scrub it to death with my toothbrush!” Paul suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. And so they did, leaving the curly gnu utterly defeated.
20000 more miles down the road, they met a fancy, horrendous, scary beatle, which was charging their car snappily. “Chop its face with my scissors!” shouted David. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. And so they did, leaving the beatle utterly defeated.
Finally the Brians reached their destination, a ghost-like, savage lake called Rough Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: smooth, ruddy bananas, and rowdy tacos. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Brent awoke sorely at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a royal, rugged, rumpled frog standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Brent, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to get your back,” the frog responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Brent hurled his rash machete at the sad frog, leaving it utterly defeated. The next day, the Brian family burned a breakfast of sacrilegious oatmeal and sadistic rice. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go skiing.
After skiing for only 23 dollars, the Brians headed home. On their way home, however, they met a sagacious trout. “Just hang by its neck, with my sagging blanket!” yelled Freddie. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. So they did, leaving the saintly trout utterly defeated. Soon the Brians were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Sean’s
Once upon a time lived the fantastic Billy Family. Bob and Mary lived rapidly with their 4 bulky children: a pleasant 44.324234year old named Sally, a cowardly 1 year old named Antonio, an angelic 1 billion and 1 year old named Jecepe, and a grand ½ year old named Dave.
One flashy day the Billy family decided to take a bold vacation. Bob, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 65 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Sally decided to bring an obese Pillow, Antonio a pudgy ipod, Jecepe a vibrant stop sign, and Dave a picturesque clock. A
fter daily jumping in the car and driving 3 miles, the Billys met the first of many obstacles on their juicy vacation. In the middle of the road stood a boring Liger. “Beat it with my Pillow!” Sally suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. And so they did, leaving the melodic Liger utterly defeated.
144 more miles down the road, they met some weak, turqoise, fabulous ants, which were charging their car happily. “Just throw my ipod at their faces!” shouted Antonio. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. And so they did, leaving the ants utterly defeated.
Finally the Billys reached their destination, a fleshy, wimpy lake called brown Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: snotty, hard Apple pie, and bloated bananas. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Jecepe awoke pronto at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a creamy, spicy, juicy dinosaur standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Jecepe, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to make your bed,” the dinosaur responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Jecepe hurled his flaky stop sign at the peculiar dinosaur, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Billy family burned a breakfast of wacky mashed potatoes and gravy and frustrated pizza. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go play Badmitten. After playing Badmitten for only 271 dollars, the Billys headed home.
On their way home, however, they met a pink bunny. “Just decapitate it, with my pasty clock!” yelled Dave. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. So they did, leaving the balloonish bunny utterly defeated. Soon the Billys were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Grandma’s
Once upon a time lived the Smooth Orson Family. Juan and Juanita lived haphazardly with their 4 gargantuan children: a measly 1k year old named Jeramiah, a finicky 24 year old named Felipe, an abundant 7 year old named Fernando, and a loose 300 year old named Miaria.
One floppy day the Orsons decided to take an arrogant vacation. Juan, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 1 change of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Jeramiah decided to bring a widening purse, Felipe a fast-moving tool box, Fernando a wobbly ladder, and Miaria a strong radio.
After scarcely jumping in the car and driving 39 miles, the Orson met the first of many obstacles on their fragrant vacation. In the middle of the road stood a loosey-goosey snake. “Why don’t we just suffocate it with my purse?” Jeramiah suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. And so they did, leaving the ancient snake utterly defeated.
84 more miles down the road, they met an adorable, winsome, affable old man, who was charging their car reluctantly. “Just kick my tool box at its face!” shouted Felipe. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. And so they did, leaving the old man utterly defeated.
Finally the Orsons reached their destination, a mean-spirited, willy-nilly lake called Rare Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: unassuming, worldly-wise chips, and street-smart yogurt. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Fernando awoke blindly at 3 o’clock in the morning to see an innocent, mind-mannered, evocative squirrel standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Fernando, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to blow your nose,” the squirrel responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Fernando hurled his fragrant ladder at the smothering squirrel, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Orson family burned a breakfast of winning lettuce and downcast marinara sauce. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go sky diving. After sky diving for only 65 dollars, the Orsons headed home. On their way home, however, they met a numb butterfly. “Just smash it with my abominable radio!” yelled Miaria. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. So they did, leaving the frigid butterfly utterly defeated. Soon the Orsons were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Matt’s
Once upon a time lived the cowardly Valentine Family. Waldo and Juliet lived mourningly with their 4 giant children: a smokin’ 8 year old named Dick, a flabby 13 year old named Rafael, a chewy 21 year old named Matt, and a fluffy 33 year old named Eduardo.
One cuddly day the Valentines decided to take an drunk vacation. Waldo, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 45 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Dick decided to bring a crazy Cell phone, Rafael a clumsy belt, Matt a gay beanie, and Eduardo an elusive printer.
After proudly jumping in the car and driving 66 miles, the Valentines met the first of many obstacles on their wicked vacation. In the middle of the road stood a flirtatious Matt. “Why don’t we just stun it with my Cell phone?” Dick suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. And so they did, leaving the happy Matt utterly defeated.
99 more miles down the road, they met an angry, hot, attracive llama, which was charging their car righteously. “Just whip its face with my belt!” shouted Rafael. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. And so they did, leaving the llama utterly defeated. Finally the Valentines reached their destination, a beautiful, sexy lake called sweet Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: strong, big Peaches, and sleepy gouda cheese. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Matt awoke wonderfully at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a greedy, buff, cocky parrot standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Matt, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to Poop your pants,” the parrot responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Matt hurled his stuck-up beanie at the lovely parrot, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Valentine family burned a breakfast of sick lettuce and timid hot dogs. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go do Yoga. After doing Yoga for only 101 dollars, the Valentines headed home. On their way home, however, they met a puffy worm. “Just smash its neck, with my brave printer!” yelled Eduardo. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. So they did, leaving the blue worm utterly defeated. Soon the Valentines were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Dad's
Once upon a time lived the warm Bin Laden Family. Sadam Hussein Bin Laden and Barack Obama Bin Laden lived astonishingly with their 4 fuzzy children: an enormous 3 million year old named Moses Bin Laden, an irritating 7 and a half year old named Ryan Seacrest Bin Laden, a sickening 53 year old named Chuck Norris Bin Laden, and a fast 273 about a billion year old named Mike Tyson Bin Laden who they called Tyson.
One glitzy day the Bin Ladens decided to take a flighty vacation. Sadam, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but about a billion changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Moses decided to bring a serious iPod Touch, Ryan a contemplative garage-door opener, Chuck a green screwdriver, and Tyson a frigid bowling ball.
After poorly jumping in the car and driving 6 miles, the Bin Ladens met the first of many obstacles on their heavy vacation. In the middle of the road stood a mushy lobster. “Why don’t we just kill it with my iPod Touch?” Moses suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. And so they did, leaving the eye-popping lobster utterly defeated. 57.73 more miles down the road, they met a ripped, slanted, bumpy umpa lumpa, which was charging their car longingly. “Just fire my garage-door opener at its face!” shouted Ryan. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. And so they did, leaving the umpa lumpa utterly defeated.
Finally the Bin Ladens reached their destination, a scruffy, toe-curling lake called fascinating Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: chunky, watered-down taco salad, and slimy macaroni salad. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Chuck awoke dejectedly at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a fat, childish, blood-curdling wolverine standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Chuck nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to clean your ears,” the wolverine responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Judas hurled his purple screwdriver at the fearful wolverine, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Bin Laden family burned a breakfast of blue-ish tuna salad and lightning-quick potato salad. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go snorkeling. After snorkeling for only 87 dollars, the Bin Ladens headed home. On their way home, however, they met a prickly jolly green giant. “Just smash it, with my blind bowling ball!” yelled Tyson. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. So they did, leaving the hairy jolly green giant utterly defeated. Soon the Bin Ladens were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Kate’s
Once upon a time lived the tricky Brian Family. Matt and Louie lived sweetly with their 4 sandy children: a crunchy 16year old named Paul, a creamy 200 year old named David, a freezing 45 year old named Brent, and a hot 1 year old named Freddie.
One radical day the Brians decided to take a difficult vacation. Matt, being the adventurous type, decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but -34 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Paul decided to bring a super toothbrush, David some powerful scissors, Brent a tough machete, and Freddie a realistic blanket.
After quickly jumping in the car and driving 89 miles, the Brians met the first of many obstacles on their innovative vacation. In the middle of the road stood a wild gnu. “Just scrub it to death with my toothbrush!” Paul suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. And so they did, leaving the curly gnu utterly defeated.
20000 more miles down the road, they met a fancy, horrendous, scary beatle, which was charging their car snappily. “Chop its face with my scissors!” shouted David. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. And so they did, leaving the beatle utterly defeated.
Finally the Brians reached their destination, a ghost-like, savage lake called Rough Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: smooth, ruddy bananas, and rowdy tacos. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Brent awoke sorely at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a royal, rugged, rumpled frog standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Brent, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to get your back,” the frog responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Brent hurled his rash machete at the sad frog, leaving it utterly defeated. The next day, the Brian family burned a breakfast of sacrilegious oatmeal and sadistic rice. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go skiing.
After skiing for only 23 dollars, the Brians headed home. On their way home, however, they met a sagacious trout. “Just hang by its neck, with my sagging blanket!” yelled Freddie. “It’s worth a shot,” said Matt. So they did, leaving the saintly trout utterly defeated. Soon the Brians were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Sean’s
Once upon a time lived the fantastic Billy Family. Bob and Mary lived rapidly with their 4 bulky children: a pleasant 44.324234year old named Sally, a cowardly 1 year old named Antonio, an angelic 1 billion and 1 year old named Jecepe, and a grand ½ year old named Dave.
One flashy day the Billy family decided to take a bold vacation. Bob, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 65 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Sally decided to bring an obese Pillow, Antonio a pudgy ipod, Jecepe a vibrant stop sign, and Dave a picturesque clock. A
fter daily jumping in the car and driving 3 miles, the Billys met the first of many obstacles on their juicy vacation. In the middle of the road stood a boring Liger. “Beat it with my Pillow!” Sally suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. And so they did, leaving the melodic Liger utterly defeated.
144 more miles down the road, they met some weak, turqoise, fabulous ants, which were charging their car happily. “Just throw my ipod at their faces!” shouted Antonio. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. And so they did, leaving the ants utterly defeated.
Finally the Billys reached their destination, a fleshy, wimpy lake called brown Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: snotty, hard Apple pie, and bloated bananas. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Jecepe awoke pronto at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a creamy, spicy, juicy dinosaur standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Jecepe, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to make your bed,” the dinosaur responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Jecepe hurled his flaky stop sign at the peculiar dinosaur, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Billy family burned a breakfast of wacky mashed potatoes and gravy and frustrated pizza. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go play Badmitten. After playing Badmitten for only 271 dollars, the Billys headed home.
On their way home, however, they met a pink bunny. “Just decapitate it, with my pasty clock!” yelled Dave. “It’s worth a shot,” said Bob. So they did, leaving the balloonish bunny utterly defeated. Soon the Billys were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Grandma’s
Once upon a time lived the Smooth Orson Family. Juan and Juanita lived haphazardly with their 4 gargantuan children: a measly 1k year old named Jeramiah, a finicky 24 year old named Felipe, an abundant 7 year old named Fernando, and a loose 300 year old named Miaria.
One floppy day the Orsons decided to take an arrogant vacation. Juan, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 1 change of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Jeramiah decided to bring a widening purse, Felipe a fast-moving tool box, Fernando a wobbly ladder, and Miaria a strong radio.
After scarcely jumping in the car and driving 39 miles, the Orson met the first of many obstacles on their fragrant vacation. In the middle of the road stood a loosey-goosey snake. “Why don’t we just suffocate it with my purse?” Jeramiah suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. And so they did, leaving the ancient snake utterly defeated.
84 more miles down the road, they met an adorable, winsome, affable old man, who was charging their car reluctantly. “Just kick my tool box at its face!” shouted Felipe. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. And so they did, leaving the old man utterly defeated.
Finally the Orsons reached their destination, a mean-spirited, willy-nilly lake called Rare Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: unassuming, worldly-wise chips, and street-smart yogurt. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Fernando awoke blindly at 3 o’clock in the morning to see an innocent, mind-mannered, evocative squirrel standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Fernando, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to blow your nose,” the squirrel responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Fernando hurled his fragrant ladder at the smothering squirrel, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Orson family burned a breakfast of winning lettuce and downcast marinara sauce. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go sky diving. After sky diving for only 65 dollars, the Orsons headed home. On their way home, however, they met a numb butterfly. “Just smash it with my abominable radio!” yelled Miaria. “It’s worth a shot,” said Juan. So they did, leaving the frigid butterfly utterly defeated. Soon the Orsons were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Matt’s
Once upon a time lived the cowardly Valentine Family. Waldo and Juliet lived mourningly with their 4 giant children: a smokin’ 8 year old named Dick, a flabby 13 year old named Rafael, a chewy 21 year old named Matt, and a fluffy 33 year old named Eduardo.
One cuddly day the Valentines decided to take an drunk vacation. Waldo, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but 45 changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Dick decided to bring a crazy Cell phone, Rafael a clumsy belt, Matt a gay beanie, and Eduardo an elusive printer.
After proudly jumping in the car and driving 66 miles, the Valentines met the first of many obstacles on their wicked vacation. In the middle of the road stood a flirtatious Matt. “Why don’t we just stun it with my Cell phone?” Dick suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. And so they did, leaving the happy Matt utterly defeated.
99 more miles down the road, they met an angry, hot, attracive llama, which was charging their car righteously. “Just whip its face with my belt!” shouted Rafael. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. And so they did, leaving the llama utterly defeated. Finally the Valentines reached their destination, a beautiful, sexy lake called sweet Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: strong, big Peaches, and sleepy gouda cheese. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Matt awoke wonderfully at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a greedy, buff, cocky parrot standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Matt, nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to Poop your pants,” the parrot responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Matt hurled his stuck-up beanie at the lovely parrot, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Valentine family burned a breakfast of sick lettuce and timid hot dogs. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go do Yoga. After doing Yoga for only 101 dollars, the Valentines headed home. On their way home, however, they met a puffy worm. “Just smash its neck, with my brave printer!” yelled Eduardo. “It’s worth a shot,” said Waldo. So they did, leaving the blue worm utterly defeated. Soon the Valentines were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Dad's
Once upon a time lived the warm Bin Laden Family. Sadam Hussein Bin Laden and Barack Obama Bin Laden lived astonishingly with their 4 fuzzy children: an enormous 3 million year old named Moses Bin Laden, an irritating 7 and a half year old named Ryan Seacrest Bin Laden, a sickening 53 year old named Chuck Norris Bin Laden, and a fast 273 about a billion year old named Mike Tyson Bin Laden who they called Tyson.
One glitzy day the Bin Ladens decided to take a flighty vacation. Sadam, being the adventurous type decided to allow each member of the family to bring nothing but about a billion changes of clothes and 1 other item of their choice. Moses decided to bring a serious iPod Touch, Ryan a contemplative garage-door opener, Chuck a green screwdriver, and Tyson a frigid bowling ball.
After poorly jumping in the car and driving 6 miles, the Bin Ladens met the first of many obstacles on their heavy vacation. In the middle of the road stood a mushy lobster. “Why don’t we just kill it with my iPod Touch?” Moses suggested. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. And so they did, leaving the eye-popping lobster utterly defeated. 57.73 more miles down the road, they met a ripped, slanted, bumpy umpa lumpa, which was charging their car longingly. “Just fire my garage-door opener at its face!” shouted Ryan. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. And so they did, leaving the umpa lumpa utterly defeated.
Finally the Bin Ladens reached their destination, a scruffy, toe-curling lake called fascinating Lake. They quickly set up camp, running out of precious daylight due to the unforeseen obstacles along the way. Soon they had dinner: chunky, watered-down taco salad, and slimy macaroni salad. Although none of them said anything, everyone felt that, as bill and ted might put it, “Something strange was afoot at the circle K” as they settled down to get some rest.
Chuck awoke dejectedly at 3 o’clock in the morning to see a fat, childish, blood-curdling wolverine standing outside the tent window, looking down at him. “Well hello,” said Chuck nervously. “Hello, I’ve come to clean your ears,” the wolverine responded. “Oh, well in that case, take this!” and Judas hurled his purple screwdriver at the fearful wolverine, leaving it utterly defeated.
The next day, the Bin Laden family burned a breakfast of blue-ish tuna salad and lightning-quick potato salad. Recognizing the bad omen at once, they decided to call the vacation off and go snorkeling. After snorkeling for only 87 dollars, the Bin Ladens headed home. On their way home, however, they met a prickly jolly green giant. “Just smash it, with my blind bowling ball!” yelled Tyson. “It’s worth a shot,” said Sadam. So they did, leaving the hairy jolly green giant utterly defeated. Soon the Bin Ladens were home, safe and free from these strange happenings. And they lived happily every after.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Fill in the Blank
Some of you may remember when I used to do these. If you don't here's how it works: I have already written a short story that is "story on the ceiling" worthy for you crowleys (it's weird and is not exactly a page turner for you non-crowleys). I have counted up the replaceable adjectives, verbs, adverbs, etc and they are as follows:
34 adjectives
4 adverbs
7 names
8 numbers
4 items
4 food items
4 living, moving things
1 phrase in this format: Verb your noun (i.e. Suck your blood, eat your food, read your book, slice your apple)
1 recreational activity
Here's where this process is different than in the past: I want everyone to provide me with the previously stated parts of speech. In one week (ish), I will fill in the blanks with your provided elements, leaving me with multiple stories. The best story (as judged by me and my siblings) will then be posted for your reading pleasure. Hopefully this works out how I'm envisioning.
34 adjectives
4 adverbs
7 names
8 numbers
4 items
4 food items
4 living, moving things
1 phrase in this format: Verb your noun (i.e. Suck your blood, eat your food, read your book, slice your apple)
1 recreational activity
Here's where this process is different than in the past: I want everyone to provide me with the previously stated parts of speech. In one week (ish), I will fill in the blanks with your provided elements, leaving me with multiple stories. The best story (as judged by me and my siblings) will then be posted for your reading pleasure. Hopefully this works out how I'm envisioning.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sacrament Talk
Well first off I wanted to apologize for my flakiness of writing on this blog. Second I want to thank you for coming back even after I abandoned your trust. And third I will explain what this post is: I gave a talk today in church and decided to re-write the dating section of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet to fit my topic of home teaching. I got a kick out of it as many of the ward members did, so now you get to see it for yourself. :)
In the church, home teaching can help members develop lasting friendships and in some extremely rare cases, find an eternal companion. Even those members with exceptionally high standards need to be home taught in order to fulfill the Lord’s commandment to “visit the home of each member” found in D&C section 20. Home teachers are responsible to teach their assigned families about standards such as honor, virtue, the sanctity of the priesthood, and the sanctity of womanhood.
Begin home teaching when you are 14 years old as assigned by a priesthood leader. Home teaching can lead to immortality, help members meet new people, and give you good experiences. Not all teenagers want to home teach, but they need to. Many young people do not home teach during their teen years because they aren’t interested, avoid opportunities, or simply want to delay forming serious relationships. These aren’t good excuses, however, and friendships developed through home teaching can and should be made at every age.
When you go home teaching, go in your assigned companionships and to your assigned families, not to your best friends house. Strive to go on multiple home teaching visits to the same families throughout the year. Perform service for you home teaching families. Plan lessons that are positive and inexpensive. Do things that will help you and your families remain close to the spirit of the Lord.
In the church, home teaching can help members develop lasting friendships and in some extremely rare cases, find an eternal companion. Even those members with exceptionally high standards need to be home taught in order to fulfill the Lord’s commandment to “visit the home of each member” found in D&C section 20. Home teachers are responsible to teach their assigned families about standards such as honor, virtue, the sanctity of the priesthood, and the sanctity of womanhood.
Begin home teaching when you are 14 years old as assigned by a priesthood leader. Home teaching can lead to immortality, help members meet new people, and give you good experiences. Not all teenagers want to home teach, but they need to. Many young people do not home teach during their teen years because they aren’t interested, avoid opportunities, or simply want to delay forming serious relationships. These aren’t good excuses, however, and friendships developed through home teaching can and should be made at every age.
When you go home teaching, go in your assigned companionships and to your assigned families, not to your best friends house. Strive to go on multiple home teaching visits to the same families throughout the year. Perform service for you home teaching families. Plan lessons that are positive and inexpensive. Do things that will help you and your families remain close to the spirit of the Lord.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Mr. Rogers Article
This is an article I wrote for an assignment in creative writing:
Mr. Rogers mystifying off-camera life is explored in depth.
Everyday we watch him stroll into his house crooning a tune proclaiming yet another wonderful day in the neighborhood. We watch him change cardigans and from dress shoes to slippers. The he usually plays with a child’s toy or gets a phone call.
We may learn about how orange juice is made or build periscopes out of a milk cartons. We visit the fascist Land of Make Believe and we watch him change back into his regular clothes and leave.
But where does Fred Rogers go? After all, doesn’t every episode take place at Mr. Rogers home? Does he return home at night after leaving the set? What is this man, whom our children admire and spend time with every day doing when he’s not being filmed?
When asked about Mr. Rogers off-camera life, Mr. McPheely said, “I go to the billiards hall most every day of the week and he comes every Tuesday, but that’s the only place I’ve ever seen him off-set.” Bill Frye, the Garbag Guy on Mr. Rogers said, “He came to the Bingo club I attend once, but I’ve never seen him there since.” No other character on the show offered any other insight into the life of Mr. Fred Rogers.
So who is he? Does he gamble away his money at the local casino, preventing him from buying new sweaters? Does he work a side job at the Sizzler to provide for 4 wives and 27 children? Does he return home to eat Lean Cuisine and watch soap opera re-runs? Or does he simply visit the local craft store to figure out something new he can make out of construction paper, glue, staples, and rubber bands?
Whoever he is, more needs to be learned about the overly cheerful mysterious old man with a strange imagination and too much time on his hands before he infects the developing minds of our children.
Ask me to show you the whole paper sometime, it's quite well done if I do say so myself.
Mr. Rogers mystifying off-camera life is explored in depth.
Everyday we watch him stroll into his house crooning a tune proclaiming yet another wonderful day in the neighborhood. We watch him change cardigans and from dress shoes to slippers. The he usually plays with a child’s toy or gets a phone call.
We may learn about how orange juice is made or build periscopes out of a milk cartons. We visit the fascist Land of Make Believe and we watch him change back into his regular clothes and leave.
But where does Fred Rogers go? After all, doesn’t every episode take place at Mr. Rogers home? Does he return home at night after leaving the set? What is this man, whom our children admire and spend time with every day doing when he’s not being filmed?
When asked about Mr. Rogers off-camera life, Mr. McPheely said, “I go to the billiards hall most every day of the week and he comes every Tuesday, but that’s the only place I’ve ever seen him off-set.” Bill Frye, the Garbag Guy on Mr. Rogers said, “He came to the Bingo club I attend once, but I’ve never seen him there since.” No other character on the show offered any other insight into the life of Mr. Fred Rogers.
So who is he? Does he gamble away his money at the local casino, preventing him from buying new sweaters? Does he work a side job at the Sizzler to provide for 4 wives and 27 children? Does he return home to eat Lean Cuisine and watch soap opera re-runs? Or does he simply visit the local craft store to figure out something new he can make out of construction paper, glue, staples, and rubber bands?
Whoever he is, more needs to be learned about the overly cheerful mysterious old man with a strange imagination and too much time on his hands before he infects the developing minds of our children.
Ask me to show you the whole paper sometime, it's quite well done if I do say so myself.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Adventures of Band
So you've probably all heard me complain about how bad the band is at Viewmont. Our director, Mr. Chaston, drives me nuts. He's a horrible conductor in my opinion, especially after I was spoiled with Mr. Wolf for three years in Jr. High. Anyway, today the plan was (as a little post-concert relaxing class period) to pull out ALL the percussion equipment, show how it works, and put it all back, showing where it belongs. I wasn't opposed to this idea for the most part, although pulling out old snare stands that don't work should have made him accept that we need to GET RID OF THEM not put them back!
Anyway, we started the period how we always do, with Mr. Chaston talking for at least 20 minutes straight about things we have already heard, then someone getting irritated, making a comment, and him getting upset with that person and staying in a bad mood for the rest of the day. The problem was we have A LOT of percussion equipment, so every moment he talked, we were wasting time.
So eventually, someone pissed him off, so he just sat there for 5 seconds looking like he was about to erupt, and then said, FORGET IT! GET OUT THE EQUIPMENT! A few minutes later, I was talking to one of the percussionist and realized that all we have to do is tick him off a little! After all, he had us do WHAT WAS PLANNED after he got ticked off! Sheesh. That's all I have to say.
Anyway, we started the period how we always do, with Mr. Chaston talking for at least 20 minutes straight about things we have already heard, then someone getting irritated, making a comment, and him getting upset with that person and staying in a bad mood for the rest of the day. The problem was we have A LOT of percussion equipment, so every moment he talked, we were wasting time.
So eventually, someone pissed him off, so he just sat there for 5 seconds looking like he was about to erupt, and then said, FORGET IT! GET OUT THE EQUIPMENT! A few minutes later, I was talking to one of the percussionist and realized that all we have to do is tick him off a little! After all, he had us do WHAT WAS PLANNED after he got ticked off! Sheesh. That's all I have to say.
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